About 16 weeks ago, I joined Weight Watchers to lose the weight that has crept up on me after having two kids. Even at the beginning of this journey, the extra weight I was carrying was not unhealthy, but rather uncomfortable. My jeans were tight, my skin felt tight, and I was just unhappy with the way I looked. So, I decided to do something about it.
My first week at Weight Watchers, the leader helps you set a goal weight based on your height and age. Walking in the door, I was already in my “healthy” weight range, but it just wasn’t the weight that I was used to. See, I was always the “skinny girl” and never had to watch my weight or what I ate…..at all. So, I had my sights on the low end of the chart and chose a goal weight that required me to lose 13 pounds. On my 5’3″ petite self, even though 13 pounds doesn’t seem like a lot, it would be a great feat for me.
I chugged along, tracking my points and attending meetings. In the beginning, I was pretty darn successful. Ten weeks later, I was minus 11 pounds! This is where things get rocky. One week I would lose a pound, the next week I would gain a pound. Lose a pound, gain a pound….and so on….for six weeks.
This Saturday at my 7:30am weigh in (yes, I am nuts), I finally broke down and asked my leader for advice. We sat down, went over plan and began to “weigh” my options. I told her that I was very frustrated and used the analogy of placing similar ends of a magnet together…the closer you push them, the harder they resist connecting. She got quiet for a minute and then asked me a series of questions:
Leader: “Why did you choose this particular goal weight?”
Me: “Because that is what I weighed before I got married.”
Leader: “And how long ago was that?”
Me: “Ten years ago!”
Leader: “And how many kids later?”
Me: “Two. Where are you going with this?”
Leader: “Have you ever thought about altering your goal weight? Your body just may be happy where it is. Your metabolism is much different now then when you were younger. You are a healthy weight and should be proud of what you accomplished. I can tell that the last two pounds are stressing you out and you are causing more harm than good. I am not going to tell you what to do, but you need to think about setting a realistic goal.”
As I sat and pondered altering my goal weight, I came to the realization that I am getting older. I know, I should know this by now, but I have always viewed myself as a “young adult.” Coming to terms with the fact that this is just my body and it will never be what it used to be was a hard pill to swallow. I am definitely not unhappy with the way I look now, it’s just…well, different.
In the end, I did alter my goal weight, so I am officially at goal. I should be happy, but honestly I feel like I am cheating. Did I really achieve my goal? Am I really worthy of the award I will get next week at the meeting? I feel like it’s similar to saying, “I’m going to run a marathon!” and then dropping out a mile before the finish line.
I just envisioned reaching my goal and running around the room like Rocky after he wins the big fight. Instead, I am not so proud. And I’m old. Eh……rough week.